Udayananda das Remembers Srila Prabhupada
Prabhupada Memories
Interview 01
Udayananda: The day after Srila Prabhupada gave me brahman initiation was the first morning that I said my gayatri mantra, and I thought, “I’ll go down to Lake Michigan and when the sun starts rising, I’ll say my gayatri mantra.” We were in Evanston and there was a nice park along the lakefront. So I chanted japa there, got all set to say my gayatri mantra, and up drove the Ford Lincoln Continental. The door opened, and maybe thirty yards from me out steps His Loving Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada. I said, “Jaya, Srila Prabhupada!” and I offered my obeisances, but Prabhupada’s back was to me. All these sannyasis were there; Brahmananda, Satsvarupa, and when everyone was ready Prabhupada turned and started walking right towards me. I hadn’t even memorized the gayatri mantra yet, and I was saying it as Prabhupada walked by. Prabhupada said, “Why is he not offering obeisances?” I had offered obeisances, but Prabhupada’s back was turned. And they said, “Prabhupada, he’s chanting his gayatri mantra.” I couldn’t hear Prabhupada’s answer, but he said, “What is the value of such chanting when the spiritual master comes by and you do not offer obeisances?” and then he walked on. I chanted my gayatri quickly and I ran to catch up with the devotees. Sudama Maharaj saw me and went to the back of the group to talk with me. I said, “Maharaj is it all right if I come?” He said, “Why didn’t you offer your obeisances?” I said, “I did.” He said, “When?” I said, “When Prabhupada got out of the car, I offered my obeisances.” He said, “Prabhupada didn’t see it,” and told me what Prabhupada had said. Immediately I couldn’t breathe, I was suffocating. I felt, “Oh, God, what is my worth? Why should I live another moment?” I carried that for a long time. Twenty-five years after that incident, I wrote a Vyasa-puja offering apologizing to Srila Prabhupada for committing that offense and thanking Srila Prabhupada for impregnating my heart with his few words. By his grace I was never familiar or took him lightly ever, ever again. Even though I didn’t think I was taking him lightly then, but after that I redoubled my determination to appreciate what it means to be in the association of the jagat guru. His words helped me for the rest of my life. Since that time I have offered my obeisances before and after saying gayatri mantra. If I’m sitting in front of the Deities and the curtain opens and there’s jagat guru sitting on the altar, I offer obeisances. Sometimes I see devotees chanting gayatri mantra when the Deities open and they don’t stop chanting. I think, “What is the value of this chanting?”
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To view the entire unedited video go to Memories 44 - Arjuna, Bahushira, Gokularanjana, Jnanagamya, Jayapataka S Udayanand
The full Prabhupada Memories Series can be viewed here and also at www.prabhupadamemories.com
Following Srila Prabhupada
Interview DVD 07
Udayananda: I got to wait outside of Srila Prabhupada’s door because I was his bodyguard. And every time Prabhupada came out the door and I would offer my obeisances, his foot would come down right by my face and then it would go. I thought I wanted to get the dust of the lotus feet of the pure devotee because we had just started the Guru Puja program every morning a few months before that and we were praying, “The lotus feet of the spiritual master are the only way by which we can attain pure devotional service. I bow down to his lotus feet with great awe and reverence. By his grace, one can cross the ocean of material suffering and attain the mercy of Krishna.” So I thought, “I need those lotus feet. I have to have those lotus feet on my head.” But being near Prabhupada was quite an intimidating experience. So they asked to have initiations. They brought us into the room and I was in such a state, I didn’t know what he was saying or what I was doing, but I was just very conscientious that I was with a pure devotee of the Lord. As a matter of fact, when I walked into the room…and this was the only time I was probably alone with Srila Prabhupada…I walked in the room, I offered my obeisances, and when I stood up, his eyes were fixed right on my eyes and just for a second I looked into his eyes. And the most incredible thing that ever happened to me with another human being occurred at that moment in that I had this overwhelming realization that he knew everything about me, and I felt so shameful. I felt like “I do not deserve to be in the room with this personality, and also there’s no sense in trying to be pretentious because he knows anyways. So don’t try to pretend to be something that you’re not.” But those eyes, it wasn’t like looking at me like “You are such a fallen soul,” but it was this look of infinite compassion and almost like he understood my suffering. All of this happened in a mega-second, and then I couldn’t look any longer and I looked down. But I knew, “You must bare your soul to the spiritual master, there’s no sense in trying to pretend because you can’t cheat the maha-bhagavat.” So then Prabhupada gave me the Gayatri mantra and then he said, “So, are you chanting your 16 rounds?” I said, “Yes, Srila Prabhupada.” He said, “And are you preaching Krishna consciousness?” I said, “Yes, Srila Prabhupada, I’m a sankirtan devotee. I go out on book distribution every day.” Then he said, “Always preach Krishna consciousness.” Then I said, “Thank you, Srila Prabhupada,” and he said, “OK.” Then I had to muster up all the courage that I had within my being, because I was thinking of those lotus feet and they were just sitting on the vyasasana. Prabhupada had his dhoti pulled up to his knees and his feet were right there and I said, “Srila Prabhupada?” He said, “Yes?” I said, “Srila Prabhupada, could I touch your lotus feet?” He looked at me and he smiled and he said, “That is not necessary.” I said, “Jaya, Srila Prabhupada,” and I offered my obeisances. I went out, and I felt so stupid. I couldn’t believe I asked that question. It was so trite. So I went out and I told Sura, and Vaish was there and Praghosa and they all cracked up and they said, “Udaya, you are such a nerd! I can’t believe you did that!”
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Interview DVD 11
Udayananda: I had always had this desire to touch the lotus feet of the pure devotee, and this was back to the time when I was getting brahmana initiated in 1974 and I asked Srila Prabhupada could I touch his feet and Prabhupada said, “No, that is not necessary.” So here I am in Srila Prabhupada’s room, and I look over and I see Trivikrama Swami and he’s massaging Prabhupada’s feet. And I’m thinking, “Why is he getting all this mercy?” But then I’m thinking, “Oh, I don’t even deserve to be in this room.” Then all of a sudden Maharaj yawned, and I said, “Oh, Krishna.” So I humbly came over to Maharaj and said, “Would it be OK if I took over and massaged Srila Prabhupada’s feet?” And he said, “OK.” I thought, “Oh, my God, I don’t believe this is really going to happen!” So then Maharaj took me over and he showed me. So I was so gentle and I was massaging the lotus feet of Srila Prabhupada, and I got to massage him for two-and-a-half hours. Then at one point Prabhupada looked up and said, “Who is massaging my feet?” Tamal Krishna Maharaj said, “Oh, that’s Udayananda das.” And Prabhupada said, “Oh.” And then there was this smile on Prabhupada’s face as if after all these years he was fulfilling my desire. Then by the mercy of Srila Prabhupada, he allowed me to massage his feet every day for the next three weeks. But I was thinking that I was the most fortunate soul in the whole universe at that time. |