Atma Tattva: Everybody was singing Sri Guru Charana Padma while Prabhupada was on the vyasasana with his eyes closed, playing the kartals and singing. I asked Lokanath Swami, “Isn’t this song glorifying Prabhupada?” He said, “Yes.” I said, “How come he is singing?” He said, “He’s singing it to his spiritual master.” The day before Lokanath Swami had asked me to put my name in for initiation. I said, “I am not ready yet.” After I heard this explanation from Lokanath Swami I said, “You include my name for initiation.” He said, “Why now, all of a sudden? You always said, ‘Wait, wait, wait,’ and now you are ready?” I said, “Yes, I can see that he will be my spiritual master because when he is glorified, he glorifies his spiritual master. Now I know that this is actually part of the disciplic succession. Put my name down for initiation.” My name was added, Swami Atmananda. I heard from other God-brothers that when Prabhupada was looking at the names for initiation he said, “Bhakta this, bhakta this, bhakta that,” and then he said, “Swami? Who is this swami?” Someone told him “It’s a new bhakta.” Prabhupada said, “New bhakta, a swami? All right, what’s his name, Atmananda?” Then Prabhupada said, “Apasyatam atma tattvam griheshu grihamedi-nam. His name will be Atma Tattva.”
For about two weeks before my initiation on Radhastami Day in Delhi, I had some infection inside my mouth, so I couldn’t brush my teeth properly. I was just gargling with hot water and salt. The temple room was small and had a big lotus vyasasana. Prabhupada sat at the edge of the vyasasana, and I was close to him when I got my beads. He asked, “What are the four regulative principles?” I said, “No meat eating . . .” My mouth was close to his nose, and Prabhupada opened his eyes, looked at me, and said, “Why are you not cleaning your teeth properly?” I said, “Infection.” He said, “Infection?” and he turned around and took the japa beads from Gopal Krishna and gave them to me, “Chant sixteen rounds.” It was as if “infection” was the observation and “chant sixteen rounds” was the prescription. Then he said, “Your name is Atma Tattva das.” The devotees banged the mridanga, “Haribol!” and I sat down. I was not there. I was thinking, “I got initiated, I have beads, I have a guru,” and I was completely emotional. That evening on the lawn in front of the temple, Prabhupada had an evening darshan. I took the chamara and fanned him so that I could be close to him. Most probably I was doing a big number on the chamara, swinging it very fancifully. It was Radhastami so Prabhupada was cold. He looked at me, and then I fanned so slowly that flies were sitting on his face. Again he looked at me while he was singing Jaya Radha Madhava, and I was scared. I didn’t know whether to fan fast or slow. But still I did not want to give up fanning him. He said the “Jaya Om” prayers and then, “Thank you very much.” Then he looked at me and said, “Material life is an infection.” He lifted his kurta and said, “You scratch . . . then you feel satisfied. You scratch more, you feel some satisfaction, and you scratch more. Then you stop. Not because you are satisfied but because blood comes.” I didn’t hear the rest. I only remember those lines. I was going through my whole life and realizing that this person has gone into me and taken an x-ray and given it to me. He’d caught me exactly, and it was very moving for me. I have heard many disciples say the same thing that “Prabhupada saw through me.” I had faith that it happened, but when it happens to you, it’s totally different because it’s you, and not somebody else. I was very happy.
One big businessman said, “Swamiji, I have a factory here in Delhi, and I have a factory in Jaipur. . . .” He listed his things and said, “I have all this, but I can’t sleep.” Prabhupada said, “You can’t sleep because you have so many things. Give them to me, then you can sleep peacefully,” and he turned to somebody and said, “Take his address.” The man said, “No Swamiji, I can come any time.” “You can come any time, but we should also be able to go to you any time. Take his address.” “No, No Swamiji.” Prabhupada said, “If you give some of your things to Krishna, you will be peaceful. We will relieve you of your problem.” The man was smashed right there, and he gave his address. He had to.
I was cleaning the temple room in Delhi, and a sixty- year-old gentleman came in and paid his obeisances to the Deities. We started talking, and he found out that I was initiated by Prabhupada. He said, “I want to become a disciple of Swami Prabhupada. I’ve asked before, but they told me that I have to serve in the temple for six months.” Then he showed me that his leg was swollen. He said, “I have a big problem with my leg, and I cannot serve in the temple. Can you please ask Prabhupada to accept me as his disciple anyway?” I said, “You can go to Prabhupada and ask him. He sees people every evening. You come tomorrow and be the first person to see him.” I told him to bring an offering for Prabhupada. He said, “Yes, yes, I will do.” The next day he came with a big plate covered by a cloth. He was the first person there for the darshan, and I went with him. He put the plate on Prabhupada’s desk. Prabhupada looked at him and said, “Yes?” Emotionally, he said, “Prabhupada, I want to chant Hare Krishna.” Prabhupada smiled and said, “Who is stopping you? Do you know how to chant Hare Krishna?” The man said, “I know the mantra, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare / Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare.” Prabhupada said, “Yes,” and he took the man’s beads and demonstrated, “You start like this and on every bead you chant the whole mantra, ‘Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna . . .’ ” And Prabhupada went to the next bead and then to the next bead. He chanted a whole round and finally said, “Now you chant.” I was so blissful. I thought that this man was initiated. After traveling for awhile I met this man again. He was still chanting, and he had a big picture of Prabhupada in his room. The second time I went to meet him, he had passed away. I heard that they could not take the beads from his hand. In the last two to three weeks of his life he didn’t do anything but chant. In the last week he sat in one place, looked at Prabhupada’s picture, and chanted. When he left the last thing they heard was his chanting.
The day we inaugurated the bullock cart party, I was asked to bring some prasadam to offer to Prabhupada and give to all the devotees. So, being a stupid South Indian, I brought coconut and gur. That’s what prasadam is in South India. But the coconuts I brought were not soft—they were very hard. And the gur was also not first class. So I had a big plate of pieces of coconut and gur. It was brought in front of Prabhupada. Prabhupada looked at it, “What is this?” Lokanath Swami said, “This is prasadam, because they are starting the bullock cart. . . .” “Oh! Bullock cart, oh,” and he took a small piece of coconut and gur, put it in his mouth and was talking about the bullock cart party. As he talked, he moved the gur from one side of his mouth to the other, back and forth, and in that way he kept it until it melted and he could eat it. I thought, “I should have asked Lokanath Swami what prasadam to bring. It should have been sandesh.” But even though the prasadam was unfit for him, he accepted it. He showed that, “Because you have given it with love, I have taken it.”
The next day Prabhupada walked around the yard and saw the bullock cart. It had a semi-circular banner saying BHAKTIVEDANTA BULLOCK CART TRAVELING SANKIRTAN PARTY. Prabhupada read the sign and said, “Jaya.” Then he fed the bulls some grass, patted them on the cheeks, and said, “These bulls are carrying Gaura-Nitai for preaching. They will go back home, back to Godhead. They won’t have another life.”
When the bullock cart traveling party arrived in Mayapur, we went to the temple and had a big kirtan for forty-five minutes. By then it was 11:00 p.m. and Lokanath Maharaj said, “Let’s see Prabhupada.” We were going upstairs when Hari Sauri stopped us and said, “What is all this noise? Keep quiet. Go back. Prabhupada is tired and sick.” Prabhupada was opening his bathroom door to go into his room. He turned and saw us. He said, “Oh! The bullock cart party! Come. Come.” Hari Sauri was still trying to stop some of us, but everyone went in. Prabhupada sat down and said, “So? Lokanath Swami, how are you?” Prabhupada looked tired, but he was becoming stronger. He opened a bottle of burfi and gave everyone one piece. He asked, “Where were you last night?” Lokanath Swami said, “At a Gaudiya Math in Navadvip, where they charged us two rupees per head to sleep in a kirtan mandap which had no roof.” Prabhupada laughed and said, “That is nothing. They used to use the Shaligram shila for cracking betel nuts. This is what has happened to the brahmans.” Then he was asking, “Did you go to this village? Did you meet this man there?” He said, “Did you go to Fatehpur? Did you see that Gaura-Nitai Bhavan? Those nice Deities, did you visit that?” He said, “You know how I know these places? I have gone there for preaching. I stayed in the Gaura-Nitai Bhavan.” He said, “How did you do the Bihar side? How did you do the Bengal side? Were you in Bardwan?” And the last thing he said was, “Now that you have come to Mayapur you should go to Jagannatha Puri.”
