Rambhoru devi dasi Remembers Srila Prabhupada

Rambhoru: When Prabhupada entered the airport, he walked along a big, red carpet with devotees on either side, and I got close so I could size up this per- son. My first impressions were that he was short, that his feet didn’t touch the ground, and that I couldn’t understand him. That embarrassed me because I thought I was spiritually enlightened, but I knew that Prabhupada could understand me a lot better than I could understand myself. Some devotees guided Srila Prabhupada onto a large vyasasana in the VIP room. Devotees flanked him, fanning him with a chamara and a peacock fan while someone washed his feet and another person offered arati. Other devotees were laughing, chanting, singing, and crying. I thought, “If Prabhupada were to look at me, he’d see what an idiot I am and how puffed up I am.” The devotees formed a semicircle around Prabhupada while I hid behind a large couch some distance away so that I could look at Prabhupada without him seeing me. Prabhupada was looking at his disciples from England, Paris, Spain, and other places, but he kept noticing that there was a peculiar thing happening behind the couch as I was crouched there. Prabhupada repeatedly looked around and then looked back at me. Although I had tried to hide myself, I had made myself more obvious. Every time Srila Prabhupada looked at me, my heart broke. I felt humiliated by his glance, and I started to cry. I sobbed and sobbed, and after about ten minutes I felt purified. I felt clean and rejuvenated. It was my first experience of the glory of being humiliated by a pure devotee.

I went to Vrindavan about a year and a half after I joined. At that time, 1975 and ’76, there was a surge of sannyas hype. Everybody was taking sannyas. Gargamuni Swami had said to my husband, who was twenty-nine and had been married for a year and a half, “Oh, you are too old. You should take sannyas immediately.” Then I was shipped off to India to assist Himavati, whose husband took sannyas shortly thereafter. I was so new in the movement that I didn’t know what all this meant. Hansadutta, Himavati’s husband, was determined to take sannyas. Prabhupada said, “You cannot take sannyas unless your wife agrees.” Srila Prabhupada said to Himavati, “So you agree that your husband takes sannyas?” Himavati said, “I don’t agree. I don’t agree that my husband and I are advanced enough for that step. But if you give my husband sannyas, Srila Prabhupada, I will accept it.” Prabhupada said, “No, no, no. You have to agree. Otherwise I will not do it.” She replied, “No, Srila Prabhupada, I don’t agree that my husband is advanced enough, nor am I advanced enough, but if you give him sannyas, I will accept it.” This went on for four days, discussing back and forth. She never agreed. Yet at the Mayapur festival in 1976, although there was no arrangement in the sannyas arena, Hansadutta jumped in all ready with his dyed clothes, and Prabhupada gave him sannyas. I was in Vrindavan with Himavati, and we had no idea that Hansadutta had done this. The devotees trickled back from Mayapur to Vrindavan, and, as insensitively as can be, they said, “Do you know what happened at the Mayapur festival? Your husband took sannyas.” Himavati was hysterical and astonished because she had not agreed and had not expected that. When Prabhupada came, she stormed in his room and said, “You know, Srila Prabhupada, now that my husband has taken sannyas, I hate everyone, and I hate everything in this material world.” Prabhupada was silent for a few moments. Then he said, “Very good. Now you are making advancement.”

To view the entire unedited video go to Memories 15 - The 1996 NYC and LA Reunions

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