Sarvamangala: I wasn’t very lucid when I first met Srila Prabhupada. [laughs] I was at Bury Place at the time, by the grace of Shyamasundar prabhu, when all the devotees went to the airport to see Prabhupada off when he left for Nairobi. On the way to the airport, I suddenly realized that I might never see this person again. When he came back some months later from Nairobi, I did write a letter to him because I was so afraid I wouldn’t see him again, and he wrote me back a beautiful letter. He thanked me for the letter because I had written it very carefully. I had written every letter separately like it was a work of art or something, and Prabhupada commented that it was nicely written and correctly spelled. He said that showed that I was a very intelligent girl and should use my talent and intelligence in serving Krishna. [laughs] It seemed like it didn’t fit with what I thought of myself. [laughs] But Prabhupada tried to draw something out of everybody, and it was encouraging and it is still encouraging to think I can do something for him. Then he went on to say that young boys and girls are often disturbed in mind, and that if they just chant Hare Krishna, then the ways of material nature will be overcome. The letter was full of relevant things as Prabhupada always hit the nail on the head no matter who you were. This especially applied to me as I hadn’t even spoken to him before.
We all heard Prabhupada liked yellow roses. Somehow, I found a yellow rose in the garden, and I carried it as if it was a precious jewel that one would give to the most important person one could ever meet. I went out and met Prabhupada and the devotees coming back from their walk over the fields in Letchmore Heath. I gave the rose to Srila Prabhupada and I remember he was still holding it all the way back to the Manor. I felt like he always treasured the smallest thing that we gave him, and in this instance, he carried the rose as if something special had been given to him. The first time I had some maha-prasadam from Srila Prabhupada was a piece of orange. It felt like my whole mouth was tingling with this explosive experience of having the maha-prasadam from Srila Prabhupada.
One day Prabhupada’s servant wasn’t back yet from her shopping. Because I had been observing her, I was thinking I wanted to do that in my next birth. [laughs] As I was standing there thinking about my desires, Prabhupada rang his bell. Since there was no one around, I went in with all the things that I had seen the servant offer to Prabhupada. I stood there at the back of the room with the garland and the chandan. Prabhupada indicated I could bring the garland and put it on him. Then I had the chandan, and I didn’t know if it was okay for me to put it on him, but he indicated with his head for me to come forward and put the chandan on his forehead. This was a little thing but was huge in my spiritual development. That experience of being received by Prabhupada and him accepting my service was meaningful, especially in the wake of so many rules about what was appropriate for ladies to do and not do. But we were his daughters and we weren’t being pushy thinking, “I’m a woman and I’m going to do it anyway.” [laughs] We just knew it was part of the development—to observe what Prabhupada liked and what he wanted—and he therefore allowed it and invited it.
At one point the unmarried girls had to leave Bombay. It was such a difficult thing to have to leave those Deities. We were told to go to England and collect for the new altar where the ladies could serve the Deities again. But I was a little sceptical because I was thinking, “I don’t know what the odds are that we will be allowed back to serve the Deities in the future.” So I went to Vrindavan because Srila Prabhupada was there. When I got there after a few days, Akshayananda Maharaj, who was the temple president at the time, knew that I could type, so I got to be his secretary for a short time. That meant I got a special room with a tap, which was in those days something special. At one point I realized that my room overlooked Prabhupada’s quarters where he slept. Unbeknownst to his servants, I could peep out and see Prabhupada at night. I, along with my god-sister, Vishvadevi, whom I had been with in Bombay, would turn the light off in my room and we could peep out through the balustrade to see Prabhupada. Prabhupada wasn’t very well then, so we could see Tamal Krishna Maharaj and Upendra caring for him, but they couldn’t see us. But somehow Krishna made that arrangement and so I learned that it’s an affair of the heart. Somehow Krishna arranges for all of us to have that intimacy one way or another. I suppose it might have been naughty in some people’s eyes that Prabhupada was in bed and we were girls. We weren’t just girls. We were his daughters and we cared about him. How would you feel if your father was not well? Of course, you would want to see how he was. I think what I learned from that experience is that you can’t legislate intimacy.
Prabhupada at times was humorous, which was wonderful, but he also exhibited sobriety when he used to sit down to have his meal. He was demonstrating how to honor prasadam and not talk to anybody. It was a meditative process. It was beautiful to see. I always think Prabhupada was like poetry in motion, like in the spiritual world every step is a dance. He was always demonstrating complete presence to Krishna, whatever he was doing. Everything he did was beautiful as if it was an act of love. I think that’s really what has impacted me the most. Apart from his absolute mercy and kindness in engaging us, he is a living example of how it must be in the spiritual world. Prabhupada gave us the opportunity to serve the Deities, and this service was not just about having your brahman initiation. He wasn’t putting the emphasis on us being brahman. He was giving us an experience, and we learned everything experientially from Prabhupada. He gave us a service so we could engage, and we got the sense of what it was like to be a servant of Krishna. I dressed the Deities and got to see the most beautiful personality. I got to offer beautiful things to Krishna. And Prabhupada was giving us that opportunity as pujaris. So that was the experience of being in the Deity room and having the Gayatri mantra given to us by Prabhupada. It wasn’t a status thing. It was an opportunity to get a glimpse of the spiritual world and all the things that Krishna is offered, and how to use all our senses and purify them in offering those things to Krishna. It was amazing that Prabhupada gave everyone the opportunity to serve the Deities and to be engaged in Krishna consciousness. It was ground breaking what Prabhupada did and he was fearless. He did that for us. He gave us a chance to come into intimacy with Krishna as well as with him. When I was at Bury Place and heard that Prabhupada had left the planet, I had just left Vrindavan six days previously and I was hoping to go back again. I was on my way to take Krishna’s offering to Him, and we were trained up to never be familiar with the Deity. Our attitude was always awe and reverence and that principle of service in the mood of Laksmi-Narayana. Prabhupada taught us everything. But that day when I went in the Deity room and I heard Ranchor singing je anilo prema-dhana for the very first time for Prabhupada, I just put my head on London-Isvara’s feet and prayed, “Please Krishna, please don’t let me ever forget Srila Prabhupada.” It is very intimate what Prabhupada gave us.
