Guru Kripa: I first met Srila Prabhupada in 1970 when he attended the Rathayatra in San Francisco. At least a hundred people greeted him in the airport and I was Bhakta Greg in the crowd. I was a new devotee, only three or four months in the temple. When Srila Prabhupada came through the doors, we all bowed. It was like seeing the sun come from behind a cloud. Vishnujana prabhu was playing the drum and singing and when Prabhupada walked by him, Vishnujana bowed down and Prabhupada patted him on the back. Then Prabhupada walked into the crowd and came directly to me. He put his arms around me and hugged me. I’d never met him but we knew each other. This wasn’t our first meeting. Afterwards, people asked me, “Do you know him? Do you know him?” I said, “No, I don’t remember him.”
I wrote to Prabhupada, “Personally, I don’t think I can ever follow all these rules.” At the time I was following them, but I was being sincere. “And, therefore, I have to make one request. I have read that there are three types of people who reach perfection: the nitya-siddha, the kripa-siddha and the sadhana-siddha. I cannot follow all these rules, so how I will ever become perfect? I request you to make me a kripa-siddha.” Prabhupada said, “All right, Guru Kripa, I will give you.” He can do as he likes, he is independent.
Prabhupada never talked to me. He only asked me questions I could not answer, like, “Why does the grass grow in the cracks on the sidewalk?” Or, when we were walking along the beach in Madras, and he saw a statue across the street of a man on a horse, he said, “Who is that man on the horse?” How would I know? His questions made me feel like a fool. Murkha, fool, one should always be a murkha in front of the guru. As soon as you think, “Now I’ve become friendly with the guru, now I know a little bit more,” then you are finished. People sometimes think, “Now I will go somewhere else and I will get some higher instruction.” No. Prabhupada will instruct you according to your surrender, according to what you are ready for. But if you think for a second that the guru doesn’t know something, then you are finished. Srila Prabhupada strongly ingrained that idea in me. He made me feel like a fool. When the devotees asked Prabhupada questions for the discussions on dialectic spiritualism, I snuck into the room every afternoon and listened. I would hear the champion of the world spar with these past “great” thinkers and watch him defeat them and present Krishna. It was great entertainment and it was life. Then I began to think, “How I can get in the inner circle with His Divine Grace?” And I understood, “I must do something to get his attention.” I was going daily for preaching, but I had to do something more. Srila Prabhupada wasn’t close with somebody because he liked the way they looked, dressed, or put on their tilak. It was the service attitude that endeared one to Srila Prabhupada. So, Yasodanandan and I went to Bangalore in South India. We preached and learned Sanskrit mantras. We did many things. Then Prabhupada began to write to us.
Prabhupada instructed to me to collect money because I’d shown that I had an ability to do that. I thought I would collect some money and go on my way, but Srila Prabhupada told me, “You collect because the other leaders have local projects and do not give me money.” Prabhupada said there were two types of devotees, the second class ones who say, “I want to serve Krishna this way.” To them Srila Prabhupada said, “Yes, do that.” And the first-class devotees who say, “I am a fool, I don’t know anything. Tell me.” Prabhupada could instruct that type of devotee. Prabhupada knew how to do everything. He is the representative of the Supersoul. Once he said, “If I had eighteen good men, I could take over the world.” Our teaching is, yasya deve para bhaktir yatha deve tatha gurau. If one has unflinching faith in God and in guru, then the guru will reveal Krishna to that person. You must only be sincere and make the effort. So, Srila Prabhupada ordered me, “You collect money.” I argued with him daily in Vrindavan. Nicely, I objected, “Srila Prabhupada, the temple presidents don’t want me in America. They shun me. The brahmacharis want to go with me because we’re fired up, and it’s natural to travel and see the world instead of sitting in one place. But the temple presidents don’t want sannyasis coming.” Prabhupada said, “You did well before. You should go again.” I said, “Srila Prabhupada, you know we are collecting money eighteen hours a day.” Srila Prabhupada said, “Eighteen hours a day? Our process is twenty-four hours.” There was no getting around Prabhupada’s order. Finally Prabhupada quoted the Sixth Chapter, Text One of Bhagavad-gita, “Anasritah karma-phalam karyam karma karoti yah,” that a sannyas is one who works as he’s obligated and is not attached to the result. But a Vaishnava sannyasi is different. A Vaishnava generally takes sannyas out of bhava, or love for Krishna. He has nothing to renounce. We already know the material world is all an illusion. It is all the Lord’s play, so what we are renouncing? We are renouncing our illusion. What is sannyas? Out of ecstasy it is taken for service. But if one is not mature, as we were not, it may last six months or a year. Yet, to expand this movement Srila Prabhupada gave many people sannyas so we could do something for some time. That was for our good and the good of other conditioned souls. So, Prabhupada instructed us to get money to construct these temples. These temples should be there—that was Prabhupada’s order—and by his grace they are still there. Therefore, the collection was divine and it was successful. It was not done with false ego or trying to get on the BBT charts as a great collector. It was done for the satisfaction of His Divine Grace. We did not have our names read in the temple every morning. Going out seven days a week was hard work, and all the devotees that assisted are eternally benefited. Srila Prabhupada did not make a personality cult—he taught the science of how to see God. As we understand more of the science of bhakti we will see God, just as Srila Prabhupada did. It is not that he will see Krishna and we will not see Him. Sometimes people would ask Prabhupada, “Are you seeing Krishna?” And Srila Prabhupada would answer, “So if I am, what good is it doing you? Are you seeing Him? If I am eating and you are not eating, what good is it if you watch me eat?” So we have to eat, and he is offering us that. And if we do not get it, we are the big loser. We are faithless. If our faith increases we will see Krishna immediately. That is what Prabhupada is offering us. Gradually, we will see only the lotus feet of the guru, and nothing else. In this age there are only three things of any value: the holy name of the Lord, service to the Vaishnavas and the remnants of the Vaishnava’s food. Srila Prabhupada has taught us and personally showed us how to be spiritually intelligent—how to get Krishna. Many people see many different things, but we see he has given that science to us.
Once I deposited $108,000 dollars in the ISKCON India account (that was the way I gave Prabhupada money) and in Vrindavan I showed Prabhupada the receipt. At that time Prabhupada was walking on the construction site of the Krishna-Balaram Temple. I went to take a bath, came back and went up to him while he was still walking around. He immediately yelled at me, “Take that dhoti off!” It was the wrong color. “Never let me see you in that again!” he said. On many occasions he would chastise me. One of the hardest things in management was to take the hit for other people. Once in Hawaii, Srila Prabhupada ordered us to hold a 24-hour kirtan. I organized it. We didn’t have much of a crew but we started. Prabhupada’s room was just above the temple room and that evening a devotee with a terrible voice was singing. He sounded like the cat out in the alley. Srila Prabhupada said, “Who is that?” I said, “It’s the 24-hour kirtan.” “What 24-hour kirtan?” I said, “Srila Prabhupada, you ordered a 24-hour kirtan.” He said, “I didn’t order any 24-hour kirtan.” So we stopped it. He made it seem as if he didn’t know anything about it. He was training us. If you were in a big position, you would get big credit, and if you made a blunder, you would get severely chastised. Once in Japan, when we were having trouble with the police, I took the Deities out of the country. Srila Prabhupada said that he would close Mayapur before he closed Japan, and he practically didn’t talk to me for three months. I rectified my mistake. Chastisement was his mercy. Sometimes he would chastise for no reason. Once in Hawaii, he sent his servant at 12:30 a.m. to wake me. The servant said, “Srila Prabhupada wants to talk with you.” So I went there, sat down, and Prabhupada excused the servant. We were sitting alone. I said, “Yes, Srila Prabhupada?” I thought I was doing well. I was sleeping five hours a day, getting up, serving, and organizing. Srila Prabhupada said, “What are you doing?” I said, “Taking rest.” “Why?” “Because I’m tired.” “Why are you tired?” He said, “I am sitting here translating books. I have had only one-and-a-half hours sleep, that is enough. Why you cannot sit with me and translate?” I said, “Srila Prabhupada, you’re a parmahamsa, I am a beginner.” “Why you are not a paramahamsa?” I became frustrated and angry. What did I do? Usually you need a reason to get yelled at. Then I said, “I’m just a nonsense.” He said, “Why are you a nonsense?” And I was trapped. My face turned flushed and blue, and I saw that now I’ve become angry with Prabhupada. What could I do? People thought it was easy to be around His Divine Grace. I laugh at that. I scoff. That time in Hawaii he got me in a corner and there was nothing left to do, so I started to cry. I was defeated. Then he hugged me, told me a story about Krishna from the Krishna book and said, “Now go take rest.” He sent me to bed like a kid. So in this way, if you could take it, he set the pattern for future relationships. Once I had to give some money for a devotee to go to Taiwan. I didn’t like that devotee because he would not cooperate, so I refused. “No, Prabhupada, I won’t give him any money.” Srila Prabhupada said, “I will give him.” I said, “Prabhupada, you’re wasting your money on this man,” and we discussed this. Finally I got angry, stood up and said, “I quit, I quit, I quit.” Srila Prabhupada said, “I will also quit. Now sit down.” Then after I cooled down, I said, “I’m sorry Srila Prabhupada that I got so excited.” He said, “That is good you are enthusiastic.” It was not a bowl of cherries to be around His Divine Grace. It was not easy. He was the acharya and he had to set the standard. He was very grateful for the service you did, but you could not use that. In the beginning he used to thank me and say how nicely I was collecting money. But later on, I would deposit the money, a hundred thousand, two hundred thousand, and he never said a word. He’d just push the receipt aside without even a thank you. If you ever gave me two hundred thousand dollars, I would say something nice. But for Prabhupada it was service to Krishna, and we took it as that. There was no expectation of a reward. We were simply waiting for his mercy. We must have firm faith, and it must be as solid as the rock of Gibraltar or the Himalayan Mountains. Krishna is testing. Someone may come with a little potency but he isn’t even half a speck next to His Divine Grace, and his teachings are not the same, yet people think, “Oh, I will get it cheap over there.” They don’t want to pay the price, neither do they understand the price. It is not an easy thing. To understand guru-tattva is a difficult subject matter. When you understand guru-tattva, Krishna is guaranteed, but beginners switch from this guru to that because their faith is not solid. Srila Prabhupada has given everything a thousand times over. If you hear his tapes he’s saying the same thing because we need to hear it. Nowhere else in the world you will see any guru getting daily guru-puja. With other gurus, gurupuja is held only once a year on their appearance day. And nowhere else will you hear the Samsara prayers sung at mangal arati. Why did Prabhupada stress worship of the guru? Because Westerners are headstrong. First we have to catch the importance of the guru’s mercy. And by satisfying the guru, yasya prasadad bhagavat-prasadah, then we can satisfy Krishna. Then we can think of other things.
In Vishakhapatnam, Srila Prabhupada stayed for seven days at the Krishna Chaitanya Mission, which was the temple of Bhaktivaibhava Puri Maharaj. Anand prabhu, a brahmachari disciple of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta, was working in that mission. He could do the work of ten men. He would cook ten preps for 200 people with one or two assistants. Later he came to Vrindavan—all the devotees from Vrindavan know him—and worked there when the Krishna- Balaram temple was being built. So, in Vishakhapatnam he cooked two feasts a day. And as we were eating, Srila Prabhupada used to walk up and down and say, “Eat more, eat more,” and he would be so satisfied to see us taking this prasadam. Catur-vidha-sri-bhagavat-prasada-svadv-anna-trptan. And as neophyte as I was, I was overeating. I would eat breakfast, and come lunchtime I had zero hunger, but I would eat again. And at nighttime, no hunger, prasadam was still in my stomach, but I would eat again because it was so good. After the third day, I finally threw up everything and in the afternoon went to sleep for about eight hours. Once, Prabhupada went to Govardhan Hill on parikram, and we brought a big basket of puris and subji for lunch. We were sitting on the veranda eating when many dogs came around and some devotee threw a rock at the dogs. Srila Prabhupada said, “No, this is Govardhan, everyone eats.” Srila Prabhupada took the puris from his plate, threw them to the dogs and said, “Feed the dogs now. All the dogs must eat, then they will be satisfied.” Everyone got prasadam. No one went away without some prasadam. Anybody who visited also, Prabhupada would say, “Give him some prasadam.” When I had been out serving and I came back to Vrindavan, I’d come into Prabhupada’s room, and sometimes he would give me prasadam with his own hand. He would say, “Take this rasagulla and take this.” A few times we would eat together. He would share his meals with me and he would ask me, “How is everything?” How can one leave the guru? I don’t know. Trnad api sunicena. Humility will bring you the mercy of the Lord. Otherwise, you have not yet come to the position to understand. When, by humility, you come to the point of understanding, then you will be worthy of getting some mercy.
I would write Srila Prabhupada sometimes and complain, “These Japanese are not taking to Krishna consciousness. It is very difficult here.” It was a great austerity, no Sunday Feast. Everybody was out on the road. We used to chant in the street four hours a day, two in the morning and two in the afternoon, and the only people who would ever question us was a tourist looking for directions or some half-cracked Japanese trying to practice his English. Nobody came with any question. So Srila Prabhupada informed us that we should continue because there was such benefit. By giving some money, the Japanese people were doing some service. There was a similar situation in Hong Kong. I closed the Hong Kong center because no one was coming. Then later, Srila Prabhupada asked me what happened and I told him. He said, “Now you go back, open one office, and sit and chant on your beads sometimes.” So what do we know of the effect of the holy name, the pure name? Chernobyl leaked a gross substance—toxic fumes that spread all over Europe. But the holy name is the most divine, subtle substance. It will go everywhere and a very far distance, and the effect will be there on the consciousness. So this is why we have to hear correctly from Srila Prabhupada and accept that. He can understand the potency of the name. We have slightly experienced that, but not in full.
Srila Prabhupada was your friend. The guru is friendly with us and he is also our friend, but we are not equals. That will never be. But he is our best friend because he is our well-wisher. At times he is friendly with us, and at other times he is stern with us. What impressed me from the beginning was the way he took time to make you satisfied, the way he would go out of his way. I would ask him to chant some mantra on the tape, and he would do it. When George Harrison came to see him in Vrindavan, Srila Prabhupada did not flatter him. Srila Prabhupada was not enamored. He told him, “Yes, you are very famous, but what is your guarantee for the next life? You must accept a spiritual master and learn the spiritual science.” Afterwards I said, “Srila Prabhupada, I have increased my faith so much today by seeing the way you dealt with this person.” We grew up admiring the Beatles, but Srila Prabhupada did not cater to this world-famous person or try to get something from him. And, Srila Prabhupada never backstabbed people. Once he was speaking about the way a certain devotee managed the temple, and that devotee was informed by one of the persons in the room. Srila Prabhupada became disturbed. He said, “What I said was for your ears, not for his ears.” He had spoken about it for our understanding. But if something happened, he immediately would protect you, and especially me. Everybody was criticizing me, people would write letters to him criticizing the way I did something, but he defended me. “The udder of the cow is giving good milk, so you have to take the kicks.” That is a friend. And as I go through life, I find it very difficult to find another person who will stick with you like that.
When Srila Prabhupada woke up from his afternoon nap, he would drink juice from a fresh coconut or have some fresh fruit juice and I used to take the drink to him. He would ring the bell, we would bring the drink, and he would take it. Resting was samadhi for Srila Prabhupada, and he would be intoxicated from the samadhi he had been in. Every single time I came in, Prabhupada would speak about the conditioned souls and quote Prahlad Maharaj or something. One day he asked me, “So who is coming this afternoon?” I said, “One man was supposed to come at 4:00, but it’s quarter after four.” “Ah, who will come?” he said. His mind was constantly absorbed, “How I will help these conditioned souls?” That was his compassion. He felt great stress at seeing the conditioned souls in stress. Since that was his mood, that is why he is ‘His Divine Grace.’ He had no other motive than to help people. He never tried to take personal service or credit.
