Sahadevi: I first saw Srila Prabhupada at the airport in Los Angeles when he came back from India. It must have been 1969 because that’s when I was initiated with Jayatirtha and Deena Bandhu. All the devotees were doing kirtan when Srila Prabhupada entered the concourse, looking so regal with his chin held high. It appeared to me that he was from another planet. I saw an Indian woman dive for his feet and she touched them. That’s all I had to see. I went for his feet immediately. I got in trouble by the devotees who were there. They said, “You don’t do that! You don’t touch the sannyasi’s feet!” What did I know? But the thing is that Srila Prabhupada was so kind. His kindness and tolerance stood out with respect to so many silly, stupid and some destructive things that we did. Anyway, I dove for his feet and I had my hands on his feet. He did not move. He stood there. I was so happy. But it was short-lived because as soon as I released my grip, Prabhupada went on his way. I had to hear criticism afterwards from the other devotees. [laughs] However, I have to be honest. I didn’t really care.
I realize we have Srila Prabhupada in our hearts. He is present in his teachings, and he is present in our lives culturally. He taught me how to eat, he taught me how to cook, he taught me how to clean, he taught me how to raise my babies, and he taught me how to breastfeed. I never thought much about that, but he had us breastfeed our babies. I also learned a valuable lesson when I got Srila Prabhupada’s darshan in Vrindavan in 1974. At that time it was very difficult to have any personal contact with Srila Prabhupada because he had his army of captains and generals around him. I was a mom with two little children, and in India it was no easy task with two babies. Prior to having my children, I did so much service like sankirtan, puppet shows and so many other things in Los Angeles. But in India I had to take care of these two babies constantly. I couldn’t even go on the altar. I couldn’t go in the kitchen. It was very different for me. But I guess I was happy to be there because I did go on parikramas and I could hear lectures every day in the temple room. And sometimes I would go by Prabhupada’s door, but I’d see that there was just no way to get in there. Prior to this when I was in Mayapur, there was a situation where I was rejected by one of the senior devotees who called me lazy. Because of the confusion that arose from that incident, I felt rejected, so I thought to myself, “There is no way I can please Srila Prabhupada because I am a woman and because I have children.” I really believed that at that time. That’s how I was feeling. And we know the history of women in ISKCON, so I felt kind of hopeless. Then one evening after sundar-arati I was walking from the temple room up to the Guest House where Prabhupada’s quarters were, and I saw that nobody was guarding at his door. I thought, “This is my chance. This is it. I am going in there now.” I walked in the door, and there was only one brahmacari, who was leaning up against the wall, covered in his chaddar chanting japa. Srila Prabhupada was there at his desk reading with one leg up and doing various things. I sat down in the middle of the room and I started chanting. I was sitting there with Srila Prabhupada, and I felt like I would not be able to please Prabhupada because I had heard that the senior devotee told Prabhupada that I was lazy. So I was really broken hearted to think Prabhupada would think that I was lazy. Not that I am not lazy, but I felt hopeless because there was just no way that I was going to please Prabhupada or do anything right at that point. Anyhow, Srila Prabhupada was there, so I mustered up the courage, and with folded hands approached Prabhupada. He looked up at me and smiled, so I knew I could speak. I said, “Srila Prabhupada…” and I got out a few words, but I just started crying, completely sobbing. I mean it was deep crying like I should have been in therapy. Prabhupada sat there as I cried and I finally blurted out, “Prabhupada, I am a woman. There is no way I can please you. I am a woman and I have children and they say I am lazy now.” Srila Prabhupada, at that point raised his arm back and he had a big smile on his face. When he smiled, I thought, “Oh my gosh. How could he think my grief was something to smile about?” because I was so sad. But with that smile he embraced me. Then he leaned close to me and asked, “Are you reading my books?” That’s what he said to me, “Are you reading my books?” And I was reading his books. Because that’s one thing that moms can do when we are breastfeeding; we can read books. I had read all the way up to the book that Prabhupada had just finished writing. So I said to Prabhupada, “Yes, Srila Prabhupada, I am reading your books.” Then he said, “Then you are pleasing me.” I was so grateful and I felt so much love. That’s why I say his unconditional love changed my life.
I was walking across the field in Mayapur to go to the temple when I saw Prabhupada out on his morning walk with his entourage. There were some narrow paths, but you had to be careful because you never knew what was in the tall grass. All of a sudden I saw Srila Prabhupada walking toward me. I didn’t think he was walking to greet me, so I thought, “Well, he’s probably just walking over in this direction.” I kept going my way, but then he turned and he walked right at me. I thought, “Oh, maybe he is coming for me!” So I stood still thinking, “Well, let him come by me and I will pay my obeisances.” I stood frozen. Finally, Srila Prabhupada stood in front of me and he looked down at my feet and said, “Very good. You have shoes on.” I was amazed. He walked across the entire field just to see if I had shoes on. He cared about everyone and showed his concern for me on that day just to see if I was wearing shoes to protect my feet.
I remain connected. I remain connected with my teacher, with my guru through his books and through his teachings. When I was married by Srila Prabhupada to Stoka Krishna, Prabhupada told us at that time, “You don’t give fifty percent,” looking at me, “and you don’t give fifty percent,” looking at Stoka Krishna. “You both give a hundred percent.” I know I don’t give a hundred percent, but that’s what Prabhupada wanted.
I remember when Prabhupada gave me my name. He said, “Sahadevi,” because there was a disciple named Sahadeva, named after Arjuna’s brother. But when they heard the name, even Gargamuni asked, “Sahadeva or Sahadevi?” Srila Prabhupada immediately said, “Sahadevi. She is one of the gopis.” Then I thought, “Oh! She is one of the gopis.” I was so happy. It meant a lot to me. Okay, I’ll be honest. I was a hippie. I did a lot of psychedelics. When we came in 1969, many of us had those experiences on psychedelics looking for God. Then we all gave it up because of Srila Prabhupada. That’s his potency—that we just no longer wanted the psychedelic experience. Now that I am older and not in Srila Prabhupada’s physical presence, I know that there is a difference. My daughter, who has her own guru now, speaks about the presence of a pure devotee. But we were so fortunate to have the jagat-guru Srila Prabhupada as our guru. His presence cut the cord of attachment for that period of time. Then unfortunately we were so attached that we would find our attachments again. But when we were in Srila Prabhupada’s presence, we were having a spiritual experience and that kept us wanting more.
